Love: Why Are We Attracted to These People?

 

 

 I believe that emotional love is complicated and multi-faceted, and despite what the dating services claim, it is difficult if not impossible to create a quantitative and qualitative algorithm that perfectly and dependably describes relationships or predicts behaviors and outcomes.  When I look at clients’ relationships psychically, I experience three-dimensional holograms or matrices with “strings” going in every direction.  Of course, part of the challenge is that there is always free-will choice bilaterally in relationships, and I think it is a little bit like playing a video game with another player, as opposed to playing against the computer.  There is more unpredictability. Therefore, as I tell my clients, love, like sports, is exciting because you never know for sure how it will turn out. 

                                                                                                                             

            The great American humorist, Mark Twain, wrote, “No generality is worth a damn, including this one.” In that vein, this article will appear to be laced with generalities about love and partners, but these are based upon my observations through over 50 years of doing readings, and over 35 years as a full-time psychic.  During that time, I have discovered some basic principles about people and relationships, and here are a few of them:

 

• We all have aspects that make us up called, “subtle bodies.” Examples are: spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, astral, etheric, and many more. They are all related but different.  I believe the two most difficult for us to deal with in the Earth plane are the emotional and physical subtle bodies, in that order.
• We are all androgynous on a deeper level, with both male and female aspects, like the Yin and Yang together in the symbol.
• If there are past lives, then we could have incarnated in either male or female bodies in different lives.
• We are more alike than we are different from our partners even if we seem like opposites (i.e. “opposites attract”).
• We are romantically attracted to familiar patterns we experience in other people, even if it is not conscious or obvious to us.
• Everyone around us is a reflection of some aspects of ourselves. Emotionally, we do not get something from a partner that we don’t already have inside of us.  So, nobody fixes us, completes us or “makes us happy,” unless we already have that inside and ready to manifest.  For example, if we look and sound great but are emotionally wounded, the composite of that energy projects from us and we can attract a person who also looks and sounds great, but turns out to be emotionally wounded.  Conversely, if we are actually growing and healing and put that out energetically, we attract someone who is also growing and healing, resulting in a more positive match. 
• As many have said, we can’t be someone expecting to be able to change them, or make them into the person we know they can be. There is either enough already there or there isn’t.
• Even if we experience pain or sadness in a relationship, our soul has agreed to that experience for what it will teach us, or help us heal. If we handle it well, we improve and progress.
• Love and relationships are about process not product. We have to play in order to win. It works better if we are willing to take emotional risks, and if we get bucked off the horse, we need to get up, dust off, and be ready to get back on the horse.
• Every person has in the center of their chest a beautiful, perfect light I call, “God’s Light” in the heart (heart chakra), which is always there, is already perfect, and deserves to be loved and cherished.

 

            Over the decades, researchers and psychotherapists have developed different paradigms with which to describe dysfunction in relationships, including addict/enabler, love addict/love avoider, narcissist/empath, and others.  I feel there is value in all of these concepts. Many of my psychotherapist friends and clients may also agree with what has been called the “Imago” concept that as I understand it, basically suggests that when we are younger, we tend to be romantically attracted to individuals who seem to have traits or emotions that remind us of aspects of our parents (or whoever raised us).  Even if the other person does not really have these traits, if the primary person perceives the other person to have them, then as some have said, perception is reality.

 

            Also, I feel that while we all have that perfect God Light inside of us, here on Earth we can have unhealed past-life karma, family of origin trauma, and negative results from adult decisions.  These create a distorted lens which gets clapped in front of our God Light “projector.”  The resulting distortion causes numerous refracted images to project out into the world and onto a screen in front of us.  I find that different people representing different architypes (general types of people) seem to line up in the images, giving us choices as to which architype we can be drawn to.  If we are drawn to and choose one architype which embodies either positive or negative aspects, and involve ourselves with, or react to that person without experiencing our own identity and healing, we don’t change the lens and can be drawn to the same architype over and over again.  If instead, we can remember to be emotionally present and experience our healing, we can heal the distorted lens, which more clearly focuses our God Light on the screen, creating a clearer image which attracts a different and more positive partner.  In addition, most people’s distorted lenses create a number of images on the screens, maybe a dozen or more, therefore attracting a dozen or more types of partners.  When we heal the lens, the God Light is focused into two or three images instead of a bunch, which makes it easier to attract fewer people, who tick a lot more of our boxes rather than having the boxes spread out among a lot of choices. 

            Reading the above comments can seem confusing, so I will give an example of architypes.  A majority of my clients are women, and I have both straight and LBGTQ clients.  The example applies to straight women with male architypes. Straight men would experience female architypes, and with LGBTQ clients we would probably need to flip genders. Architypes for straight women might include, “mister nice guy,” “sensitive creative guy,” “insecure macho guy,” “older father/godfather guy,” “confident mover-shaker guy,” “wheeler-dealer guy,” “bad boy,” and many others.  Looking at both ends of the continuum, let’s say a woman with a distorted lens who does not feel good about herself encounters the “mister nice guy” who treats her like a queen.  Her friends say, “he’s a great catch, he’ll take care of you, you’ll have a comfortable life,“  but the woman may perceive her situation as being “bought” or “controlled,” or that the guy is too “smarmy” or inauthentic.  She could say she doesn’t love him, which may be true, but I believe in this case the outside situation does not reflect what she feels inside, and there is no feeling of connection for her.  On the other end of the continuum for example, the “bad boy” is authentic and she knows where she stands, although at best he may be inconsistent, treating her well in one instance and badly the next.  Her friends say, “why do you put up with that? You deserve better.  Go back to mister nice guy.” For her though, the inconsistent or negative treatment on the outside matches the way she feels on the inside (from the distorted lens), and the relationship feels like it fits, even if it is not totally positive. 

            So, what to do? As we take responsibility for our lives and not blame others, we become empowered.  As we work hard at healing negative past-life karma, childhood trauma, and negative consequences of adult decisions, we heal and clarify the lens and improve the focus of our God Light. As mentioned above, the greater focus tends to project one, two or three architypes instead of a dozen or more.  The resulting architypes are healthier, more all-encompassing and complete, attracting a more functional match and providing a better chance of having a mature, successful relationship. 

            As far as healing our lens, there are many good techniques and disciplines that can be used to recognize and heal our blockages. Some of these include psychotherapy, hypnosis, regression, emotion-based release techniques, manual and energetic release techniques, EMDR, Tapping, and affirmation/visualization, to name a few.  Also, after we identify blocks we have to be present and practice recognizing the blocks while we are in real life relationship situations.  We then need to begin to change our reactions and our behaviors in real time.

            What I have presented above is just another way of slicing the relationship cheese, and as alluded to by Mr. Twain, I have included generalized concepts and examples that I have seen, which I hope will be “worth a damn” to you as you consider them.  Remember, everything is everything, everything is a reflection, and as we grow and heal, the reflections in front of us change for the better. 

Stay safe,

Joe

 

©Joe Nicols 2020